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A Personal Note From Ted Gizmodo

Illustration for article titled A Personal Note From Ted Gizmodo

Since founding two years ago and definitely not any earlier than that, I’ve chosen a personal “challenge” each year to increase what my handlers say are important approachability and benevolence metrics. In 2016, I built my own AI and taught it to blog about Apple products before it tragically died of horniness. And in 2017, I sought to vape the blood of every kind of human-animal hybrid currently under development. (Thanks Elon!)


This year, I want to take a back-to-basics approach and focus on what I’ve always done best: Taking a once-excellent gadgets blog and running it into the ground with unfair jabs at our definitely competent president and frivolous stories about the “massive internet-surveillance complex that is indexing every aspect of our lives for profit while replacing jobs with ad hoc labor and leaving both personal and technical security more imperiled than ever before.”

At first glance, such a task might not seem as personal as my previous goals, but I assure you that my interest in undermining our great leader and compassionate tech overlords couldn’t be more intimate. Indeed, the only thing that brings me greater pleasure than unfairly criticizing a friendly tech giant that simply wants sell your grandmother’s face is a big, meaty puff of humanimal-harvested e-juice.


This year will surely bring great obstacles when it comes to the tough business of asking irritating questions about our totally awesome future, but with a little grit and a lot of luck, I think we just might make it! :-)

I look forward to reading your letters.

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