Earlier today, a Gizmodo employee leaked a draft of my introduction letter to staff on his personal blog. As the new Executive Editor of GMG, the responsibility to deal with this unfortunate violation fell upon my own (exquisitely toned) shoulders.

Alas, I was forced to delete the post, which was not ready for publication. But make no mistake: While I may now be your “manager” and “the guy making executive decisions about your job,” I will never stop having wild SEX and enjoying the HELL out of it.

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Some have speculated that the post was removed at the request of “the suits.” The only “suit” I’m beholden to, however, is the full-body black latex one I wear while doing my favorite thing, which is penetrative intercourse.

As I detailed in my original letter, I have been pursuing the ancient art of magick for decades, becoming one of the world’s foremost experts in illusioneering. However, that doesn’t mean I plan on shifting us away from our core mission of putting out great journalism. I, along with the rest of the company’s executives, think smart, incisive coverage of sports, cars and lifehacking can happily coexist with several new sites about scented oils and vests. Also, I fuck.

Maybe this makes some people “uncomfortable.” Maybe it’s “weirdly explicit and irrelevant.” To the haters, I can only say this: penis.